Such beauty. So much…
It’s not really just that we have no idea what exactly we are supposed to be DOING, what acts are we to PERFORM, precisely, in this magnificent and small, relentless and fleeting life.
Each of us is trapped, each day, in a universally commonplace, utterly human crisis of freedom. We can only ever be sure that we will never know. Certainty of uncertainty.
I dunno if I am convinced. Do I have muesli? Toast? And even if I go into the kitchen and find out do I end something colossal and incomprehensible by choosing. And this is all made so much worse because I don’t have any muffins. I mean. Not even ONE.
Of course, well as everyone knows -
Every time we wake there is a vast, exquisite world. Endless and breathtaking. Deadly.
Within it lies our doom. And choice opening before us like blooms or wounds. Our every breath a mark in time that one less separates us from death. Each choice annihilates other choices as time forces us forwards into the conviction of uncertainty of life and the certainty of death.
Each nerve has hurt us, each loss… and each step, the cells in the joints of each finger forged and folded by ancient and forgotten beauty and pain: we have been wrought by billions upon billions of deaths a war endless and endless in its creation – “nature red in tooth and claw,” – destruction creating and shaping us. HUMAN and alive. Even Tennyson, who wrote that quote. Most of his other stuff was just crap.
I still can’t decide about breakfast. I already know. Coffee. Cigarettes. Sullen glance at food.
This miracle of chance that something, anything like us should come to exist! That we can know that is what we are.
We are a wonder of improbability! The processes that opened this world to us.
We are burned so deeply by what we are. Branded, yes.
That we can know that we will all die. That for each of us, under every ambition, love kindness and wisdom there lies this certainty. Cruelty and violence unfolding into our brimming dying minds.
We are such creatures, forever acknowledging that we must end, hard and real beneath the softness of skin. Thrashing and fighting with our foreknowledge with every action we take. Held against us in the deepest reptilian core of our wondrous hearts and minds. HELP!
WHAT DO WE DO!
This bright world where we know no place.